So first off there are two things you should know.
1. I’ve had a bad day, and as my posts are written in a stream of consciousness manner and involve little thought, this may seem somewhat negative.
2. Im not looking for encouragement or any form of comforting, I’m just venting.
So today Im feeling a little fed up. It’s as a result of not getting an audition I went for on Monday as well as applications being turned down, having no money that can be spent on doing anything I want to do and a general difficulty in carrying on doing theatre.
Paper People rehearsals are a bit difficult at the minute as we have a looming deadline and the piece we want to make requires people other than just company members being in the rehearsals. Obviously people have said that they want to help, but if there is nothing to be gained by helping us out then there is no real incentive to turn up. I don’t hold it against anyone who has said they can but not actually turned up. I understand, I quite often do the same. Nonetheless, it can be frustrating.
At present I feel like many other people I know that are attempting to do the same sort of things as me are doing much better than I am. The two possible reasons I can see for this are that a) They are working much harder and getting a lot luckier than I am. and b) I’m just not very good.
Whichever it is doesnt really matter, because if I choose to give up I am left with very little. People have suggested, or at least thought very hard, why don’t I just get a proper job? The main reason is, there is no other job that I could do. I have no experience or interest that would allow me to get a proper job. So I’m left running at a brick wall, hoping that it will fall down before my skull explodes.
Vent over. told you it would be negative.