(Just so you know, there’s a picture of a cat at the end of this as a reward for everyone who made it that far. Don’t cheat and just scroll down)
(I said don’t cheat)
This blog post is partly inspired by one I read this morning written by my friend Stephie. I enjoy her blogs, they are deeply sarcastic and interesting.
Her blog was about a new trend, that I have only found out about through reading blogs, it’s not something I would otherwise have realised is a thing. The Quarter Life Crisis. What I can gather is that it is something that apparently all mid 20 to early 30 year olds experience. A panic that every decision they make now could be the wrong one, dooming the, to absolute and unrelenting failure in life, and a feeling that compared with their friends, famous folk and their parents when they were 20, they aren’t achieving anything.
Speaking for myself, I don’t worry that my decisions are wrong. In part that is because I believe in past, present and future Jon’s. Present Jon is grateful to past Jon for all the right decisions he made, good past Jon, he also ruefully hates past Jon for every decision that he made that makes life difficult for him now. In the same respect, any good decisions I make now, I pass on happily to future Jon and equally, any choices that I make, thinking they are great now but turn out to be terrible… well that’s his problem and he can despise me all he likes for making them. That’s why I don’t worry about my choices being the right or wrong ones, ultimately they don’t affect me, they affect future me. Sucks to be him.
However, the comparisons one, that’s something I suffer from a lot. I look at my friends and think, I could/should be doing that. I have friends doing very well at music, in performance, in directing, in producing. I have friends who have stable 9-5 jobs that pay well and mean they don’t have to worry about money, I have friends having a great time travelling the world who see and do amazing things. I can rationally and objectively look at this issue and draw to conclusions that negate my feelings of envy.
1) I am not them. That is the route they took, this is the route I took. I will end up somewhere else, doing something else that will, hopefully, make me very happy. It doesn’t matter that they’re doing that, I’m doing this.
2) I am doing some pretty cool things to. I’m sure to everyone, what they are doing doesn’t seem as impressive as it actually is, it’s just what they are doing.
Great. Cool. One problem, I can think rationally but I cannot act and feel rationally. So it may be the case that I shouldn’t compare myself to others and that what I’m doing is possibly making other people feel the same way. I DON’T CARE! (he screamed in aa tantrum-like a voice as he could, standing 6’3” with a loud booming voice)
… So that’s the Quarter life crisis bit done.
Here’s the thing.
I should be really excited and motivated at the minute. I’ve just moved city, from Lancaster to Lincoln. I like Lincoln, more than I like Lancaster, because it’s more of a city than Lancaster and less of a city than Manchester and London. It’s just right. There are more jobs available, there’s more culture. There’s a huge Cathedral and an awesome castle. I should be going to bed at 11pm, waking up at 9am and spending my days exploring and looking for jobs. Being inspired by my new surroundings and creating theatre.
What I’m actually doing is this. Going to bed at 1/2am, not sleeping most of the time I’m in bed, waking up at 11.30am, pissing about for an hour or two, maybe sauntering into the Library to use the internet there to look for jobs. (No internet at home, I’m actually writing this in Word so that I can copy it into a blog later when I go to the Library) Wandering home, and spending the rest of the day either watching dvd’s, playing Xbox (I’ve put in a lot of time towards Skyrim over the last 2 weeks) and reading the Sharpe novels.
I am looking for jobs, I’m actually waiting to hear back from a job that would be great fun, pay really well and be flexible, allowing me to carry on prancing about on a stage. I am considering working on shows, I have one with my company that I am performing next week, another that we are developing, I have the Waiting Man, which needs something doing to it (no idea what) and another show, that is very much in its R&D stages, that I’m working on with a friend. However, a combination of a lack of internet and a lack of motivation means that none of this is really going past the consideration stage (apart from the show I’m doing next week, that’s definitely happening) as a result, I’m blogging.
Believe me, even blogging has taken me a while to build up to. I have put it off for ages.
Which brings me to my final point, I’m sure I could go on, but I am growing bored of this now and it’s probably getting a bit boring to read, so if you made it this far, you must be bored too. The final point is that I write my blog because I can’t think of/be bothered, to do anything else right just now. It is a vent, I don’t really mind if no one reads it. In fact I find it odd that anyone does. The reason being that no one that writes a blog in their mid-twenties actually has anything useful or important to say that isn’t already being said by people who know much more about it. There is no deep or hidden truth in my words, they are ramblings, pointless and unnecessary. I just like writing them because it gives me a false sense of achievement and something to do for half an hour.
So there we go, another outpouring of my overcrowded and underused brain.
Here’s a picture of a cat. (I actually wrote that before having a picture of a cat)